Have you thought about your friends lately? I think of my friends constantly, because they are a big part of my life; in fact, my friends are the reason I am happy today, even though my husband died and Life has thrown me a slew of curve balls. They were there for me when Scott was sick and dying, and they continue to love and support me. I can still hit one of those curve balls and get a home run because of my friends. Why? Because THEY think I can; therefore, I can!
I was very fortunate to teach in a school building with over 100 caring teachers as colleagues. Each was woven into the fabrics of the lives of the others, and with so much time spent together, we became our own family at school. We suffered together over the loss of students, spouses, babies, parents, and siblings. We rejoiced together over students, spouses, babies, parents and siblings, as well as personal adventures and awards. We held bake sales and pancake breakfasts, performed in talent shows, organized picnics and parties, exchanged clothes, coupons, and recipes. We were blessed.
Now, all of that great group of teachers has retired. We still get together for lunches and special events, but it is not the same as being with "the friends" every day of the school year. But, one thing does remain the same. If one of us needs something, everyone comes running.
I started a Go Fund Me campaign last week, because it is my dream to have a stuffed animal plush toy bunny to be sold in addition to my upcoming book, GRADY GETS GLASSES. Grady is a bunny who tells small children (in verse) about how much his glasses help him to see his whole world, explaining farsighted and nearsighted and even the care of glasses. Grady makes children feel special, because they wear glasses, just like he does! I think having a plush toy Grady would make every child feel even better about wearing glasses, so that is why I am trying to raise money. Trademarks and lawyers and toy manufacturers are all very expensive, and although I am frugal, there are no coupons to clip for this cause.
My teacher friends from school were right there to support me, as soon as the campaign kicked off, just as I knew they would be. I am blessed.
If you are a teacher reading this, I hope that you have created wonderful and lasting relationships with your colleagues. Spending so much time with friends at school certainly makes every school day better. Teacher friends who share the ups and downs of life, as well as funny and poignant events from the classroom, are happier at school. No research data needed for that statement, as I am living proof that it is true.
I would appreciate it if you would take a look at my Go Fund Me page, and you can see Grady the Rabbit, drawn by the talented Lauren Givens Wood, my former student, and Carnegie-Mellon School of Art graduate. Here is the link: gofundme.com/zvzhuk
As always, I welcome your comments and suggestions.
I think that most people in life are underappreciated, or at least they feel underappreciated. Think of all the times you have gone far above and beyond what was expected of you in your profession, and no one even acknowledged your efforts. Although you can offer yourself the intrinsic credit of a good job with a pat on your own back, sometimes it is just great to receive a thank you from someone else.
For those who are reading my blog for the first time, I retired from teaching in 2011 to care for my husband who was diagnosed with and dying from stage four colon cancer, and then I retired from coaching Varsity Boys' Golf in 2014, after 33 years as head coach. I have been "out of the loop" of receiving any kind of acknowledgements from students, since I have not been at school for several years. Then, last week, I received an unexpected and wonderful thank you letter from a parent of one of my former golfers! Nothing really lifts the soul quite like the knowledge that someone appreciates something that YOU have done for them. This letter was extraordinary.
The parent wrote a wonderful open letter with the title "Thank you to the rest of The Village". (Referring to the famous African Proverb: "It takes a village to raise a child." ) She talks about the swift passing of the years as her son was growing up, as well as the friends, relatives, teachers, and coaches who helped to shape her son's life, whether it was when he was a tiny child, elementary student, middle school student, or high school adolescent. The coup de grace of the text is this line that she wrote: "Thank you to all of you. Big or small, you made a difference in the life of my child, and I will be forever grateful."
I was overcome with tears as I read the letter, which also included at least 50 photos of her son through the years. Such a charming and caring way to say thank you to others, and to appreciate and acknowledge those individuals who helped to shape her son's life.
What a beautiful way to make someone's day. This touching, sincere, and heartfelt letter certainly made MY day.
The letter I received took a tremendous amount of effort, both to write and to showcase this young man's life in pictures. I recognize that, and, yes, I will be sending a "thank you" for this "thank you."
In everyday life, appreciation does not have to be so time consuming. A pat on the back, a firm handshake, a verbal "thank you", an unexpected treat like a coffee and a donut, a quick email, or even a post-it note thank you would all be appreciated. Somehow, a few words of praise motivate people to give their best. I learned that while teaching in the classroom for 37 years and coaching for 33 years.
Here is a great quote to follow in life: "Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don't keep it a secret." Mary Kay Ash
I APPRECIATE all of you who read my blog and support my efforts as a fledgling writer. Thank you so much for your time and encouragement.
As always, I welcome your comments and suggestions.
Everyone talks about wanting to be "happy", but no one knows the exact definition of personal happiness. Some people are happy in their work, but not at home. Others have great relationships with family and friends, but are unhappy at work. Some struggle with severe depression, sunk so low that they cannot even imagine being happy, and others who are bipolar know that mania and energy of the high will be followed by the crash landing into depression. The bad news is that we are all victims of our own brain chemistry; the good news is that pharmaceuticals have come a long way to help us with balancing our brain chemistry. I don't think anyone is really "normal", whatever that word means today.
I have spent many hours reading about, discussing, and thinking about "happiness", and I have come to one conclusion: each person must rely on himself, not others, to find happiness. On a personal note, when my husband Scott died, I thought I would never be happy again, but I know that he would want me to BE happy. So each day, when I awaken, I make a conscious decision that I am going to make the day a happy one. Of course, I still cry sometimes and feel sad, but I have come to realize that by "thinking happy", I am a happier person. I am also more appreciative than I have ever been. Although I had Scott for over 30 years, everything we were together was all gone in a moment. I have learned to appreciate all of the small things in life that can cause smiles: a sunny day, a dog's head out a car window, a small child's wave and smile, taking a cart back for an elderly person at the grocery store, telling a stranger she looks great, complimenting a new hairdo. All of these little things, crazy or not, touch my heart, and I am not afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve and share all of my feelings with you.
One of the reasons I am happier is because I am back to contributing to the well-being of others. I missed teaching and the positive interaction with students every day, so I wrote a book for new teachers. I am writing for several education online magazines, co-hosting a radio show for education (The Total Education Q and A) and sharing my viewpoints and experience with others. I am enjoying giving webinars about teaching, and helping others new to education. I love being able to help to steer a person's thinking toward the greater good for all children in schools everywhere.
Are YOU feeling down? May I make a suggestion? Get out of your house and do something for someone else. Love animals? Volunteer at your local animal shelter. Love clothes? Volunteer at a repurposing shop that helps men or women in crisis. Love people? Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Love kids? Volunteer at a playground summer program. The possibilities are endless! I promise that when you get busy doing something for others, you will feel much happier within yourself. And what could be better than that?
Remember that each person is responsible for his own happiness, and it is so great to make yourself happy through service to others.
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The 4th of July reminds all Americans about the importance of liberty as we celebrate the Declaration of Independence. It is truly an all-American holiday, from picnics with hot dogs and apple pie to the small town and big city parades to the evening fireworks in almost every town.
And the American flag is the symbol of all of the freedoms enjoyed by Americans. .
I have been thinking back to 9/11/2001. When the terrorists hit the United States, Old Glory flew on every porch and every yard. Americans were proud to be Americans, and people were kinder to each other and friends and neighbors and relatives clung to each other in a way that only a disaster can make happen. Today is the 4th of July, and as I type this blog, I am thinking about the lack of flags I have noticed driving around Pittsburgh, PA. The occasional flag is displayed, but nothing like the heart-stirring exhibitions we saw in 2001. Have Americans forgotten the importance of the flag, our nation's symbol? I certainly hope not. Are schools still teaching the importance of the flag? I certainly hope so.
When I was teaching English all of those 37 years, we recited the pledge of allegiance in homeroom every morning. On more than one occasion, I asked the students to write down the words of the first few lines of the pledge of allegiance. Some funny answers included:
"I bledge the pigeons to the flag" (what does it mean to "bledge", and where did the pigeons come from?), and other was "I pledge my legions to the flag". When I asked this young man how many legions he had and where he kept them, he said he did not know what a legion was, but that was the word he was supposed to say. I reviewed the real words to the pledge of allegiance with my classes, including defining the word "allegiance." The flag lesson was always a good one, since one should know to whom and to what one is pledging one's allegiance!
As teachers and adults, we must make the flag a more understandable object for young people, and we can do that by explaining the importance of the 4th of July, as well as by proudly displaying the flag and discussing its virtues. With the imminent threat of groups like ISIS in the wings, as well as the hatred of so many other world groups toward the American culture, it is important for all Americans to remember the roots of liberty and the importance of our flag.
Have a happy and safe 4th of July holiday weekend! Hope your flag is flying in honor of liberty and freedom.
For more about the 4th of July:
http://www.constitutionfacts.com/us-declaration-of-independence/fourth-of-july/
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I have mentioned this before, but I actually LIKE to work. I like the challenges and creativity, the problems and solutions. I like feeling useful and being of service to others. I like the fact that I am contributing to society every day. I loved both teaching and coaching, and found my purpose in both for 37 years, and now I have found a new purpose in my retired life as an author, a speaker, a radio talk show co-host, and an educational consultant.
I live in the school district in which I taught for 35 years, so it is not too unusual for me to bump into former students around town. I have seen two students in the past few months who are now adults, but who are dealing with sad issues in their lives. Both of these students are wandering aimlessly, living at home, and depressed because of their particular circumstance. I spent over an hour with each of them, and it felt just like I was back in the classroom and they were in 10th grade again.
Sometimes, families members walk around problems, because they hope by not addressing those issues, the problems will go away. (That method never works. I know this for a fact, as I have tried it myself.) Instead, as my former students poured their individual problems out for me to hear, I led them to recognize and say aloud what their parents or significant others would not say to them - they did not know their purpose.
Knowing and having a purpose is so fulfilling. At the end of the day, it just feels good to finish a project, to help a friend or neighbor, to do a good deed, or to put in a hard day's work. When grief or sadness or anger try to steal away happiness, one's purpose and work can go a long way toward helping to keep an even keel. I, personally, believe that our life's purposes are constantly changing, and that we must open our minds and our spirits to embrace the purposes with which we are presented.
When my parents both died unexpectedly within 82 days of each other back in 2002, I was very depressed. Both died of massive heart attacks without any warning, and there were no final goodbyes. I continued to teach and coach, to be the best wife I could be, and to try to make my life as normal as possible, which really helped me personally. When Scott died in 2012, I had already retired from teaching, but I continued to coach and to do all of the paperwork that comes with a death. My purpose was also to clean up our house to be sold, and to find a new condo for one, which was maintenance-free. It took 5 months of 16 hours a day to do all of that, but each night, I could go to sleep knowing that I was fulfilling my purpose for that time. Moving and the death of a spouse, along with the deaths of both of my husband's parents and a diagnosis and treatment of oral cancer (no, I never smoked-very scary) took some time to work through, and I knew I had to find a new purpose. I had started writing my book for student teachers some years before, returning to it now and then. I suddenly had the chance to really write, as I no longer had hundreds of English II essays to grade. I began this blog, and finished and published the book.
I feel lucky that I have had so many purposes, and I feel for someone who can't find one. I told both of my former students in separate conversations that they must go back to what they love to do. Work and purpose must be enjoyable to be good for one's mental health.
It seems silly, but for both, those words were what they needed to hear. They walked away from our conversations with hope in their eyes, and I hope they are both on the road to discovering their individual purposes.
Here's to all teachers knowing their purpose and to helping their students to find theirs.
“Get going. Move forward. Aim High. Plan a takeoff. Don't just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won't happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you'll love it up here.” ― Donald Trump
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Dede's book, STUDENT TEACHING: THE INSIDE SCOOP FROM A MASTER TEACHER, has won 7 awards! Buy it at www.dederittman.com
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Father's Day and Sunday at the U.S. Open fall on the same day every year. I think both have great lessons to teach.
A father's love and influence cannot be measured. Early childhood lessons from dads resonate as loudly as the later-in-life quiet talks with dads, as father and child reflect on what has been learned in the life the two have shared. Life lessons are passed from generation to generation, each incorporating the "Dad-isms" into the lives of his/her own children. Just think about the number of times we utter sentences beginning with "My dad said . . ." or "My dad told me. . ." or "My dad said that when he was young . . ."
After teaching for 37 years, I knew that the students who did not have an active and loving father in their lives knew that they were missing something special. Their "free writings" (that means write about anything that strikes a chord with you!) echoed their desire to have a "whole family." Many of those students chose male staff members as their paternal influence. They wanted and needed the guidance that a father provides: try your best; don't quit; you are better than you think you are; sometimes Life disappoints, but that is no reason to stop trying; Failure is also a good teacher, but only if you pay attention to why you failed.
So, what do fathers and Father's Day have to do with the U.S.Open? Golf and life are very similar, and competing on the world stage adds stressors that mere mortals who are not golf professionals cannot even vaguely understand. Players must adhere to all of Dad's lessons and teachings in order to compete and rise above the rest. After a bad shot or missed putt, they need to hear Dad saying, "One shot- put it behind you and keep trying." When a bad break occurs, and there will be many more at Chambers Bay, players must carry Dad in their collective ear saying, "Life disappoints, and so does Golf, but keep going and give it your best." Many of the PGA Tour players were taught to play golf by their fathers, which makes the winner's hug from dad at the conclusion of the tournament all the more poignant.
I really love it that Father's Day and the final round of the Open are on the same day. Somehow, this sharing of this special day is just right.
My dad is gone now, having left us in 2002. He played golf in his early years, and he was delighted when I began playing, and then coaching golf for 33 years. In the 42 years I have played, I have heard my father's voice in my ear hundreds of times, encouraging me and applauding me. I wish I could have another conversation with him, perhaps to talk about golf, but more importantly to tell him how much I appreciate all of the life lessons he imparted.
Happy Father's Day to all dads! Thanks for sharing your wisdom, both on and off the golf course!
ADDENDUM: PGA golfer Jason Day personifies the message of this blog. On Friday of the championship on the 9th hole, his final hole to play, Jason fell to the ground, a victim of vertigo. He got up carefully and finished the round and went to the hospital for testing. On Saturday at the Open, Jason shot an impressive 68, and finished in a four-way tie with three other golfers for the lead. Jason admitted he did not have his usual energy, but he plowed forward, with his trusty caddie, Colin Swatton by his side. Colin is not the usual bag-carrying and yardage-wielding caddie; he is also Jason's swing coach mentor, and as Jason says, his "Father figure." Colin came into Jason's life as a golf teacher when Jason was just 13, a year after Jason's father died from stomach cancer. The two have been best friends for years. If Jason Day wins today- Father's Day and Sunday at the U.S.Open at Chambers Bay-the story will be about much more than a golf score. It will be about giving one's best under difficult circumstances, putting the bad shots behind, and being guided by the encouragement of a friend, coach, mentor and father figure. Win or lose, this is a great Father's Day story, which will become a part of the annals of U.S.Open history.
Great article on Jason and Colin: http://www.sfgate.com/sports/kroichick/article/Jason-Day-s-caddie-provides-coaching-on-links-5390686.php
As always, I welcome your comments or suggestions.
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I never have to look very far to find topics to write about for my weekly blog. Just paying attention while going through life presents me with many blog ideas.
I was a "walk in" at a nail salon on Tuesday afternoon around 5:30 p.m. The salon was not crowded when I arrived, so I delighted in immediate service. Within 15 minutes or so, the salon was packed, and people were waiting. When my nails were under the dryer at 6:15, a woman walked in and approached a nail technician who was sitting alone at a table while many people were waiting. The woman said 'Hi, I'm here." The nail tech was plainly upset, yet very controlled. She said softly in her English-is my-second-language-voice "Where were you? I must pass up others for your appointment." She was not stern, but she was upset that she could have made more money from another client, rather than waiting for this client. (If you have ever had your nails done, you know that the workers spend long hours at the salons- for very low pay.) The late client puffed herself up, put one hand on her hip, and thrust the pointer finger of her other hand into the nail tech's face, bellowing loud enough for everyone in the salon to hear, "Are you REPRIMANDING ME for being late? Is that what YOU are trying to do? To reprimand ME, in front of all of these people?" (It was truly ugly, and I think anyone who intervened would have become a punching bag, which is why I said nothing. I need my face and other parts of my body to be in complete working order.) This woman personified a bad attitude. The nail technician looked at her and attempted to hold her ground. "You are late. You could have called. I lost a customer." These words were not said in a pleading voice, just quietly, as a statement of fact. The woman did not back down; she shook her head and shouted again, "You ARE trying to reprimand me in front of all these people." After a short standoff and a few whispered words between the two, the bullying and bellowing lady with bad attitude sat down to have her manicure. It was an ugly scene to observe.
Throughout the exchange of words, the nail tech held her dignity while the thundering woman lost any dignity she may have had - the very moment she opened her mouth.
Of course, these two women were arguing about consideration and respect. The nail technician had a complete understanding of the meanings of those two words in two languages, but the client had no understanding of either word, not even in her native language, English.
Welcome to society today. You have probably noticed from the local news reports that these kinds of confrontations are not uncommon. We see videos of women wrestling in a Wal-mart. Road rage incidents abound. More and more, people show total disrespect for any authority figure and think that is OK, because they believe they are above listening to and respecting authority, or showing consideration for others. In essence, the accepted norm of society for so many years, being considerate of others, no longer seems to apply. I am thinking of these: drivers no longer pull to the side of the road to let an ambulance pass; people do not listen when the police tell them to sit, stand, or put their hands on the steering wheel; drivers zoom by the flashing red lights of a school bus; students believe that they are running the school, and teachers fear for their personal safety. You surely have noticed this pattern of no respect for authority, and no consideration for the other person. It seems to me that this behavior is becoming the norm, and showing respect and consideration, once the only acceptable behavior, are now the rare.
The event I witnessed on Tuesday precipitated this thought: I think that school teachers can play a major role in recovering decency and respect and consideration for others, and they can do it by being role models to their students on a daily basis. Showing respect and consideration toward students and others is the best lesson. Discussing the reasons that considerate behavior is appropriate further cements the lesson. Not all students are learning the social mores at home, and it is up to us, as educators, to share the knowledge of what is acceptable and preferred in our culture. Teachers are the keepers of the culture and the biggest influencers of young minds. We must be the teachers of not only basic skills, but also social mores.
I close with this profound statement from a great author:
“A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Friday
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As always, I welcome your comments and suggestions.
Dede's book, STUDENT TEACHING: THE INSIDE SCOOP FROM A MASTER TEACHER, has now won 7 awards.
Book
awards
http://www.internationalbookawards.com/2015awardannouncement.html
Dede was honored on Friday, June 12, at State College, PA, as she accepted an award of Album of Distinction for her book from Delta Kappa Gamma (International Group of Notable Women Educators)
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