I have been thinking a lot lately about the shootings that are happening in our country. Before you get fired up for an argument, this is not a blog about gun control. This is a blog about the importance of community and belonging. I thought about this after seeing a story about the importance of the general store on CBS Sunday Morning on April 16. The story focused on the store being sort of the center of the community; in fact, many folks who did not need anything just "stop in" for the camaraderie and the sense of belonging. You can view the charming story about the general store in small towns at this link: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/preserving-general-stores-the-heart-of-small-towns/
Although I am neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist, after teaching high school for 37 years, I know and have seen the longing certain students have to "fit in" and "to belong." During the years I directed the senior high school musical and the intermediate school talent show, I invented jobs for kids in the school who were not a part of a group, a club, or a circle of friends. Watching the changes that happened to these young people when they were accepted and included and became part of an entity larger than themselves - such as the musical or the talent show - was both intriguing and delightful. Suddenly, there were smiles and jokes; school attendance improved; grades improved; and life in general improved for them. Everyone in the group was richer because more students were a part of the group, and that sense of belonging and contributing was so good for all.
I read an article in EDUCATION WEEK that outlines how most mass shooters more than they just "didn't fit in." Many had problems with rejection and bullying. An interesting perspective for sure - the article is well worth the read , and you can find it here: https://www.edweek.org/leadership/a-hallmark-of-school-shooters-long-history-of-social-rejection/2021/09
This paragraph from the article really made me think:
“These [shooters], in particular in K-12, are not necessarily loners; they’re failed joiners, so you’re not necessarily having a lot of disciplinary problems,” said Robin Kowalski, a psychology professor at Clemson University, who led the study. “A lot of times, kids who create a lot of the disciplinary problems are kids who were sort of instigators with groups that they’re a part of. Whereas, these [shooters] are ... just kind of along the periphery, so they’re not really creating any issues, because they’re just kind of hiding in the background.”
What can we do about these students? As teachers, we can look for the students on the edges of the social scale - and we can try to include them. We can talk to parents, who sometimes are clueless that their kids don't have any friends at school. I am not sure why this problem has become so much worse through the years, but I think social media has exacerbated it. In fact, I would say the real problem began with the Walkman - when music became a solo pastime, social skills and connections went away a little, and social media made things worse. Then, along came the pandemic, isolating students even further, and school shootings increased. Human beings are social creatures - we all need to have that sense of belonging, and when someone does not have important connections in their lives, bad things can happen. I wish I had the answers - these are the musings of a teacher who loved school and teaching, and helping kids to be their best.
If you are a teacher/coach or teacher/club sponsor or teacher/director, there are many opportunities to include one more student in your activity. If you work in a church, chances for inclusion abound. No matter what your job or position, young people need help in learning to belong and how social skills work. They need friendship and recognition that they have something to bring to the table. Be that caring adult. I hope everyone reading this will reach out to someone and include them in your community. It's a lonely and sad world when a person does not belong anywhere.
"The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food." Dean Ornish
Visit Dede's web page for complete details on her award-winning book, STUDENT TEACHING: THE INSIDE SCOOP FROM A MASTER TEACHER. Many colleges have made the book required reading. Signed copies are available www.dederittman.com Dede is also a national speaker on The Three C's for Classroom success: Confidence, communication, and Creativity; Avoiding Teacher burnout; and many other inspirational topics.
I LOVE writing. And I love writing children's books- my newest passion. Although it will be a ton of work, I am looking forward to selling my books. Since I was a secondary teacher, I know that I have much to learn about elementary students, and I will have to follow my own advice and be my genuine self. However, I also know that I am passionate about helping kids who have to wear glasses, and that GRADY GETS GLASSES sends a positive message. I am willing to work hard and do all the things that also made me a successful teacher for 37
Teacher friends- let me know if you want me to read GRADY GETS GLASSES at your school. I am willing to come in to discuss the creative writing process, why writing is important, and personal fulfillment through writing, along with reading my book. I would appreciate the exposure, and I would make signed copies available for purchase in your classrooms following the reading. Please email me at dederittman@gmail.com The website www.gradygetsglasses.com now has plush Grady bunnies for sale!
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Twitter @dederittman
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